walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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