Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
