i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
