my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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