My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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