Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
