Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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