Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
