the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
