You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
