so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize