the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
