she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
