But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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