I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
