you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
