I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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