Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
