i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
