Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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