just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
