i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
