I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
