I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just invented taco cereal.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
