I am spending my child support on dildos
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
