In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
