I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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