I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
