I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
