His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
