Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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