I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
