I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
