in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
