it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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