yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
