I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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