My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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