Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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