Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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