1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
