Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
