i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
