mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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