So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You can't special order awesome
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
