he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
