then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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