I got chris browned last night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize