the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
