now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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