Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
