boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
