You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
