Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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