Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
