I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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