So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize