"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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