best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
