it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
