Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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