i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
