just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
