i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
