Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
