At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm really busy with my period
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