you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
