He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize