All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize