It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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