I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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