when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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