Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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