OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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