I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
