I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
