On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
